Christmas and Birthday all rolled in one.

Hello !

Merry christmas to everyone ... I had wonderful time on christmas morning with the in- law.. GOt some nice presents.. We'll be hearing wedding bells anytime soon because My brother in law , Nick got engaged to his long- time girlfriend . They're yonng but been together for 2 years. So.. I don't know when ... Im happy for them ...

In 3 more days... I turn 36 years old .. Lordy ... Lordy .. I never thought that it will hit me like bricks.. I keep looking at the calendar and say " what the h..... " Lol.. I know chris and Alejandra is planning some sort of party for me on Jan 1st for some reasons ... Chris is working on my birthday which is a BIG sucker. The last 6 years has been awful because on my birhtday , he's at work every year. So I spend my birthday alone. WIth the girls or without the girls. At least I'm used to it but Im not supposed to feel that way . I don't know whether to laugh , be mad, or kill someone . It's all emotional in ONE I don't know what to say about that. So I'm in the middle of that year being closer to 40 . 2 daughters are already in teenager phase and I'm nearly this point of going crazy .. LOL.

Happy New year to everyone. I know I looked back to what have been a roller coaster for me on my journey of 2008 . I survived Breast cancer scare, I had pancearsis attack and ended up in the hosptial last year , had to learn that Im losing my vision to Coroneal disease .. Marriage tanked ... .. all negs and the postive was that I get to spend the summer in VA with my best friend, Mia . for whole one Whoopin' month . I loved it every moment. that was my highlight of 2008 . I think pretty much was a roller coaster for me. I hope to have a clean slate this year with 2009 upcoming. I want peace, harmony and happiness. I fell out of love and I don't believe in love anymore. What 's love to ? You tell me .. It'll have to be a miracle for someone to show me that there is actually a LOVE out there. I lost it . I know that I love my daughters very much , don't get me wrong .. Loving them is one thing , but loving someone ELSE is entire different story. I just hope that I can believe in that again .. someday .. somewhere... somehow....

It just have to take me a while to realize .. Don't get me wrong... I'm blessed , yes... but not that BLESSED yet.

~Angel~